Friday, November 19, 2010

Should I have stayed "in the closet"?

Okay, so ... as I mentioned in the Depression posts, sometimes I have a hard time reading people. Especially if I'm just a little bit off. So I'm not sure if I'm perceiving this correctly or not, but someone who could be reading these posts is now acting strangely toward me. It's not someone I'm particularly close to, but someone I know nonetheless.

So is there, in this time of education and enlightenment, still a stigma toward someone who gets mild anxiety and depression, who is honest about it and who is completely functional in the world? Perhaps. Does it bother me? Frankly ... yes. It does. I'm no different now than I was a week ago, before I mentioned anything about all of this. If this person got to know me as a friend, I would certainly have gotten around to telling him/her.

So, all I can say is that I'm the same person I was last week. I don't inflict my issues on anyone who isn't close to me - and with my close network, I only talk about it to try and figure things out. The worst that anyone might experience from me is my being quiet or slightly cranky. I am in no way a danger to myself or to anyone else. My ability to care for other people or deal with any situation are not impared.

Of course, if this person really is turned off, (s)he probably won't be reading this anymore. But I thought I'd mention it anyhow.

I know my true friends will stay, but it's really sad to think that someone would hold any of what I've said against me. And if they had questions or concerns, I'd hope they would ask me about it.

6 comments:

  1. No matter what, I think it's better said; if it affects a relationship, no matter how minor the relationship is, then that relationship was not meant to be. At least, that's how I look at it. In my case (and I am not attempting to project here; I'm just saying that for me...) my perception is sometimes *way* off... I will perceive that somebody is angry with me or annoyed or whatever... and then when I come out and get brave and *ask* that person, I will find that I was perceiving things all wrong! So... I'm not sure if that helps at all... but if not, no big deal.

    Liz

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  2. Thanks, Liz. I really appreciate your support and friendship. You might well be right. I might be perceiving things all wrong. Writing these damned posts has actually made me feel awful (that and I'm coming down with a cold, which doesn't help, either). I think I need to remove myself from it for a while and let things settle down. It's probably just me.

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  3. There is such honor in speaking truth. What a world we would live in if everyone spoke truth and if everyone were strong enough to recognize and deal with the truth.

    If this person is important to you, just ask him/her about it. Their response will tell you what you need to know. They might just be insecure and unsure how to deal with what you have said - or they possess preconceived notions or judgments - but in the end, that is their issue, not yours.

    You have a courageous spirit, Sandi - stay true to that. :)

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  4. Well, I can tell you that I still love you!
    When I was reading the posts, I looked for the time frame that you and I interacted the most, that few years just befor you got married and was thinking hmmmm. See I worked with you in a youth group, and socialized with you and never found you hard to get along with or found you cranky. So I wonder if I missed it, it was not that bad, or if I was just as cranky. I do recall your horror watching us dump sugar into the strawberry wine vat!
    I read about your life now, and it reminds me of my life in BC. A sweet place to be sure.
    Take care of yourself, and those around you.
    Linda

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  5. Not a true friend, obviously.

    I think it's great to be honest about that kind of stuff. And yeah, I agree with Linda. You are NOT hard to get along with!!! <3

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  6. Thanks guys. I feel loved. One of the things about depression is that you get pretty good at hiding it. The worst of it goes on in your own head. Only a little bit of it comes out most of the time. And thanks for feeling that I'm not hard to get along with. I like to think I'm easy to get along with, but past experience has told me I can be difficult in the workplace. Oh well. We live and learn and grow.

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