Friday, December 10, 2010

Is it okay to go public with private issues?

Had a long talk with someone close to me tonight. And she asked me how I could put something so private like my dealings with depression on the Internet for public consumption. And it bothered me that she asked. It was obviously something she wouldn't do. So I do what all humans do, and compared myself to another. She wouldn't do it, so is it wrong?

The short answer is: No. It felt like the right thing at the time. Plus, I had so many positive comments along the way that it couldn't possibly be wrong.

But the long answer is less definitive. It was wrong for me to talk about my family without getting their permission first - but I think I made it up to my mother and father by telling the other side of the coin and pointing out that in every family (in every action, event, incident) there is good and bad. You can't appreciate the good without the bad. And there was the person who I thought was treating me differently - although I haven't seen that same reaction since (it WAS probably just my perception that day that was off).

Is it wrong for me? No. Would it be wrong for her? Obviously. But it was cathartic for me. And I really did feel that I needed to put it out there - because I feel that the more that is known about something, the less scary it is. If someone who knows me for the reasonbly solid person that I am suddenly finds out that I have this issue, then maybe the issue isn't as big as they might have otherwise thought. And maybe someone who is afraid to tell other people, might have the courage to open up. And maybe the pain I went through can be curbed for someone younger who is dealing with the same things. If my example can help them realize their situation and a method of treatment that works for them, then it's worth any potential pain my exposure could cause me.

So why does it bother me so much that she asked? Probably because I still have insecurities. But I think it would show deeper insecurities if I didn't tell people - a lack of trust in other people and the generosity of spirit that is out there. I would rather have 10 people tell me how brave and amazing I am and have one person shun me than have none of it (although I'd really rather that all 11 loved me!). Again, there is no good without bad. And anyone who might think less of me simply isn't in the right place in their own life to understand someone else.

But, having these emotional issues does make me question myself more than I probably should. And I'll likely be questioning myself for a while - even though my soul knows it was the right thing to do.

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