Tuesday, October 11, 2011


There are times when one just feels grateful.  Today ... this moment ... is one of them.

I feel grateful because I see so much struggle, pain and grief around me lately in some of my friends.  We all have our periods of shit, and several of my friends are dealing with their own right now.  I am grateful because right now is not one of my times (knock on wood).  Tomorrow might be (hell the next minute might be life-changing), but right now is good.  My grandfather used to say that life can change in a 2-minute phone call.  I'd say that most of the big life changes happen that quickly.

I'm grateful because my son is whole and healthy.  He has not had to be in the hospital emergency room dealing with swallowing pills or grabbing a hot drink and getting 2nd degree burns (things that have happened to two families I know in the past week). 

I am grateful because I have a loving husband and a solid relationship.  Something that several of my friends are not so lucky to be able to say at the moment.  And my heart breaks for each and every one of them.

I'm grateful because although I have a mood disorder (some would call a mental illness), and although I talk about it, I see on a daily basis that my problem is not severe - it is not as bad as many people who aren't aware that they have similar problems.  So I am grateful for awareness - for the knowing of it all. 

But most of all I am grateful for knowing myself.  I know there is more to learn, and every day I learn something new about myself.  But I am so grateful to know myself better now than I ever have.  I'm grateful for liking and respecting who I am.  And I am so grateful for wanting to know who I am - I see so many who can't go there - who cannot look deep within.  Again ... my heart breaks for those people.

I wish everyone (including the me who won't always be in this moment) inner peace and the ability to see the truth within as well as without. 

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