Monday, October 31, 2011


Interesting.  Those of you following my blog know about my issues around depression.  Symptoms of depression and anxiety (especially early on) are hard to pinpoint, as I've mentioned.  I find that if I'm snappy at my son or think my husband is mad at me, I am slipping and not doing very well.

There is another symptom, too, and it's harder to put a finger on.  It's when I feel like people outside of my little inner circle are mad at me.  If I think my husband is mad or upset (which he RARELY is, because he's a great guy and very balanced most of the time) all I have to do is ask him.  But if people even a step further removed are involved in my little mental adventure, it's harder to clarify. 

Tonight, for instance, I'm starting to feel like no one loves me anymore.  I haven't had very many comments on Facebook, for instance.  So obviously I've shared too many political or environmental posts and people are tired of hearing it.

And a friend popped by very briefly.  I jokingly said "what are you doing here?" and he now hates me and thought I was being a jerk.

I understand that both of these things are unlikely and over-reactionary ... but that's how the chemicals work.  Undoubtedly all the sugar that comes along with Halloween doesn't help.  And I haven't been eating particularly well lately anyhow.  And I've been working a bit more than usual - as I mentioned previously.  So it's really not very surprising that I'd be feeling a bit "off".  And, yet, it still surprises me.  It still sneaks up on me.  And I still feel like people don't love me anymore. 

It's all part of the journey.  I'll get back to eating better (less sugar would be good - but after tonight), hopefully sleeping better, and just getting through some of these hours I need to work.  But for tonight I'll feel exposed and sensitive.  It's just the way it is. 

Remember ... be kind to others.  You never know what they are feeling.  And be kind to yourself.  No matter what you're feeling, it's probably not as bad as it seems.

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