Nothing like a death to set the tone of my day.
Earlier this morning I was sitting at the computer, contemplating exercise when a commotion outside led me to the window. Our "birder" of a cat had a bluejay in her jaws. So I do what I do when I catch her in the act of her incredibly natural behaviour - I booted it outside to see if I could save the bird.
Sure enough, it was still very much alive, so I chased off the cat, put the bird in a safe place and herded said attacker into the house. Then I found a cardboard box, put a towel in it and placed the bird in the box to give it shelter and time to see if it was okay. It looked pretty good - still able to move and such - but it wasn't too energetic. I checked it a couple of times and it looked like it was going to be okay.
On the third check, though, it was dead. Quite likely died of shock. I tried my best, but it just didn't do the trick. It was early in the morning - had the vet's office been open, I would have at least called them. But maybe I didn't make it warm enough. Maybe fear got the best of it. Don't know. But it was dead.
At the moment I found it dead, it was just matter of fact. Get a bag, put it in the trash. Over.
But then as time progressed, I started to grieve. It's a bird. Just a bird. But they come back to our neighbourhood every year to breed. It's probably the same jay I've been seeing for three years now. It likely has eggs or babies in a nest nearby. Will they survive? Will it's mate be able to feed them?
And now I'm depressed. Probably time to take one of my little pills to try and get over this. I can't pull myself out and if I don't do something NOW, it will just get worse.
Nothing more frustrating than having such a simple event take you down. And it's just a little event. Nothing life changing (well, for the bird it was, but not for me).
I appreciate anyone who says that it's just nature taking it's course, it's in a cats nature to do this. It's just life. Because I understand that. And if it was a different day, I would just proceed as normal, knowing that this is the case. But today is different. Maybe my chemistry is off. Maybe lack of sleep for a few nights is getting to me again (I don't like waking before 6 every day!). Maybe my compassion for living things gets the best of me.
No matter what the situation, unfortunately for me and all the other people out there like me, there's not rationalizing my way into feeling better. And today it's not a matter of feeling bad for a few minutes and then continuing on as usual. Another day it would be. But not today.
So I learn to take care of me when this happens. Notice the symptoms early and treat them. Pills are necessary sometimes - especially if I don't want days and days of feeling like this.