It happens every year. And, sadly, every year it blind-sides me. February/March. Not a great time mood-wise.
Strangely, I've never actually ever been diagnosed with Depression by a doctor. I went to a doctor, told him what was going on and that I needed anti-depressants and he agreed with me. That's how a lot of doctor's appointments go. I find when I go in there with a complaint or two, they just want to treat symptoms. So generally I research things first. Given my family history, there was really no doubt that I had depression issues.
And in February/March, I wonder if I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.). I wonder how much the long cold winters here add to all of the issues. This time of year always comes around to find me anxious, weepy and just generally "out of sorts" (as we say in our house).
I HATE it. I feel sad, I feel like everyone hates me, I feel like my head is filled with cotton, and I want to move. Yes, you heard me, I want to move. Every year at this time I start to spend time on job sites looking to see if there's a job somewhere else that my husband would like. And then I go to MLS and start looking at real estate prices wherever a possible job might be. I have wasted hours daydreaming that way.
I don't want to move - I love my life here - I have my friends, my house and garden, my choir, my work. I love it. But at this time of year, old patterns re-surface, and I start to daydream about moving.
Sometime in the next couple of months, after taxes are done, seedlings are growing and the sun is warming the ground, I settle back down into myself and start to feel differently. But this time of year ... well, the bad days suck!
Don't get me wrong - I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or treat me differently. It just feels good to get it off my chest, that's all.
So ... thanks for listening.