Friday, January 31, 2014

Honesty Goddess

An old friend of mine (well, not THAT old - but you know what I mean) just commented on yesterday's "drugs" post.  He called me an "honesty goddess."  Well, any time one is called a goddess ... it's flattering (so thank you JJL).  My whole life I've had an inner understanding that honesty was very important.  And I love it when I figure out my truth - which is an evolutionary process, really.

Honesty.  Honesty is hard.  For me, though, it's not "hard" hard.  It feels right, so it really isn't hard at all.  But it is.  How's that for clarity?  And I understand where it can be very hard for some people.

The very hardest thing about being honest is being honest with yourself.  If you don't know your truth, you can't share that truth with anyone else.  And if you can't share your truth ... if you can't share reality ... then what the hell is the point?  You might as well be living in a movie, because it just ain't real.

Honesty is freedom.  It frees you from having to be guarded (aside from guarding against hurting others - if you are going to hurt others with your honesty, it had better be worth the pain you inflict).  It frees you from having to remember untruths or dishonesties.  It lays everything out on the table, allows the accepting people to stay, and forces the unaccepting people to leave.  It makes clear who really cares about you and who is hanging around for the wrong reasons.

But honesty comes at a price - not a large one, and certainly one I am willing to pay.  The price is pain - the price of rejection.  But the pain and rejection come from people I don't want to be with anyhow.  So it's not much of a price to pay, really.  (There is another cost - you do end up hurting people you care about because in expressing your own truth, it makes them face theirs.  And not everyone is willing to do that.)

Another thing that being honest does - it encourages other people to be honest with you.  I hear from other people things they probably don't say a lot - and some of those things they may perceive as flaws.  And that's okay, because I am honest enough with myself to know that I am flawed, and I am accepting of other people's flaws - because we are all human.  (I'm accepting most of the time.  I still have minor issues dealing with my parents' flaws - but I'm getting better at that and I'm sure there are well-documented reasons for why a child has a hard time accepting their parents' flaws.  I'm sure I am not alone in that.  No one ever is alone in their struggles.  Sorry Mom and Dad.  I'm working on it.)

If you don't want to hear me be honest, there's no point in reading this blog.  Sayonara, baby!  For those of you who are interested in my truth … more will be forthcoming.  And when I am untrue (which will happen because it is a process and I am not perfect), I don't mean to be, but when I figure it out, I'll correct it.

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