Saturday, April 5, 2014

Only Children

I read a blog post this morning that struck me deeply.  For two reasons.  It's about a mother who has an only son (that's one reason - I'm a mother with an only son).  And it's about how unhappy she is - although I doubt she understands that (it makes me sad to see people with good lives being so unhappy - I may be depressed and anxious sometimes, but I'm generally happy with my life).

Here's the story:  http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/apr/05/wish-my-son-wasnt-an-only-child?CMP=fb_gu

If you don't feel like reading it, it's about a 40-year-old mother of an 11-year-old son - her relationship with the father ended when the boy was 6.  She feels guilty because she never gave her son siblings.

But not very far below that guilt is the very obvious anger the woman feels about not having the life she "expected".  Expectation are dangerous things - especially if you've had expectations for how your life is going to be.  We ALL end up in places we didn't plan.  We ALL feel there are things that we would have liked that we didn't get.

But here's the trick that ALL enlightened souls know: if you are grateful for what you have, you will be much happier than if you are regretting what you didn't get.

"It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you have"

And on the topic of only children:  ALL children have their issues.  You can't prevent them from going through hard times.  We all have different life experiences and we all live life in our own ways.  Whether or not you have siblings, you will learn the lessons you are sent here to learn.  Some people would have been better off without siblings than with one who sexually abuses them.  Others would be better off with the support of a sibling than without.  Having siblings does not guarantee any support or love in the future.  Teaching them how to make and keep good relationships will provide support for them in the future if they need it.

I hope this woman realizes what a blessing she has to have such a lovely son and to have such a close relationship with him.  But maybe she won't.  And really none of this is my business - it's her journey.  I'd just like to see her happier.

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