Tuesday, June 24, 2014

About Weight Loss ... AGAIN!

Okay, so I have written quite a bit about trying to lose weight - I haven't been very good at it.  I'm not overweight - but I'm up at the top of my "normal" BMI range and I'd like to be a little more in the middle of it.  (I've probably covered ALL of this post previously, but most often I don't learn the first time - forgive my repetition).

So I've been trying for 2 years and really haven't lost any weight after the first two weeks - well, I have lost, and gained, and lost, and gained.  I was 147 pounds in September 2012.  Today I am 144.  Whoopee.  I got as low as 136 for about 5 seconds, but I've been mostly between 142 and 144 for 2 years.

Well, a friend of mine accused me of wanting to lose weight just so I fit better into my clothes.  That's definitely part of it.  Another part is that I don't want to look at pictures of myself where I feel I look fat.  But it bothered me a lot when he said that my only concern was how I look, and it made me think.   Because how I look really isn't the driving force here.

CONTROL - that's the driving force for me where losing weight is concerned.  I want more control over when, what, and why I eat.  There is definitely a huge emotional component to my eating.  I don't eat when I'm hungry.  I eat when it is time to eat, when I'm stressed, when I'm bored, and if I allow myself to eat.  I never learned to listen to my hunger, I learned to listen to my emotions.  And eating for emotional reasons is not a good plan.  Because if you eat to cover up the emotions, the emotions just get buried, not dealt with.

So that's why I want my weight to go down - but by focusing on the weight, it's not solving the problem.  I need to focus on my hunger.  Listening to my body about when and what it needs to eat.  And I need to notice when I want to eat for emotional reasons - look at what triggered it and deal with the emotions in another way.

I need to be aware - I need to be present with my food and hunger.  I have been trying, but maybe by making it public, I'll work a little harder at it.

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