Sunday, October 25, 2015

Nightmare Disorder

I am not sure if I have mentioned this before, but for as long as I can remember, I have had bad dreams.  Almost every night.  I have dreams of being chased, being pursued, being in areas of natural disasters, etc.  It is almost always a true relief to wake up.  Sometimes they are so bad I don't want to go back to sleep after they've woken me up.  But this has been my normal forever.  I just live with it.

Last night I had a particularly bad one where I had murdered and dismembered a small girl and was then trying to hide it from everyone so I wouldn't go to prison.  Oddly, I didn't feel so bad about murdering someone, but just wanted to make sure I didn't get caught - and apparently it was the second time I had done it.  Not exactly my personality.

Anyhow, I was extremely stressed trying to dispose of the remains and hide it from the authorities.  By the end of the dream I was convinced I would go to jail and was considering killing myself with a bullet in the head.

Okay - so it was dark.  And I've given you the short version of a dream that seemed to last for hours and was extremely graphic.  Nice, eh?  I do occasionally have good dreams, but they are very rare.  I like the ones where I can fly.  (After last night I'm wondering if there is an unsolved murder somewhere that I'm tapping into ... or if I'm just crazy).

This week, I was reading a book that mentioned something called "Nightmare Disorder" - which I instantly looked up.  It's in the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).  Unbelievably, there are others that have this problem - or: unbelievably, my normal is not normal.  They say that if it affects the rest of your day, or prevents you from living a normal life, there are things you can do about it.  Drugs, meditation, yoga.  I've known for a long time that I should meditate - even bought a pillow a few weeks ago to sit on.  Time to use it, I think.

I also think I might talk to my doctor about it.  Dreams like the one I had last night stay with me for days - sometimes weeks.  And needless to say, they are very disturbing.

So if anyone else out there has the same problems, there may be a solution - or at least a way to ease symptoms.


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